This Is What Is Keeping You From Getting What You Want
You and I both have fears, it’s part of being a human. Fear can help guide us to safety and let us know when we need to make a change and take action. If a lion is running toward you, then you know you need to run if you want to survive. The other fear, the one we’ve personally labeled and hesitate to question, that is the one that keeps us from living.
Maybe you’re thinking: “what do you mean, aren’t I living right here, right now?” Yes, you are! We’re living and breathing because we were gifted with this life. Yet often we cruise through our days, to-do lists filled, responsibilities overflowing, rushing to a job that just pays the bills. Spending time talking to friends that don’t uplift us and maybe even settling with a love that doesn’t fulfill us or some combination of these.
Even if one or some of these important parts of our lives aren’t great, they feel safe to us. They’re people we’ve known forever, places we know well and moments we know to expect.
This is our “comfort zone”.
You go to work, sit at your desk, drink your favorite coffee that you have every morning. You do the same job you’ve grown accustomed too and can probably get through your day without even trying. You call your Mom on your lunch break to tell her about the person who’s irritating you. You go out with your friends for drinks at the cool local spot. You go home to your lover who has made your favorite meal. You scroll on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest until your eyes are heavy and you fall asleep. These things all make us feel good - they feel like “home”. You know what to expect and you feel safe.
We can all agree that feeling safe and secure is what we all want. I’m with you! That’s why we cling to things even when they don’t feel that great. It’s why we stay in that job we know we aren’t learning anything from because its easy and we get our paycheck. It's why so many people don’t leave their hometowns because they don’t know what to expect from another city. It’s why we come up with excuses of why we can’t chase our dreams, because that might not be the “safe” option.
What about the things you dream of amidst the ordinary?
Maybe you sit at that same desk at work bored every week, dreaming of the ideas you have for a business. Maybe you see other people traveling and you wish you could be seeing the world too. Maybe you’re going to sleep next to a partner you feel disconnected from wondering if this is truly all that love has to offer. These things are going to scare you as they creep into your thoughts because even when you’re miserable, at least you’re safe. Then, you hold even tighter to your fear.
And nothing changes…
Until it has to.
The thing about authentic dreams and goals, is that they’re a part of your soul. They’re a part of you. That business idea you have, is meant for you. That longing in your soul that makes you wonder if you are fulfilled in your everyday life or love or job? That is your soul telling you that maybe you’re not. Only when we listen to that thought, feeling and dream is the moment we can make room for change.
If you don’t lean into the fear, everything will stay the same. Life is not meant to be easy, predictable and simple. It is a journey thats meant to help us find and get to know our truest and best selves. The person who is thriving, filled with joy and yes, truly living! When we don’t make that change, when we stay in our safety zones, just thinking about what we want yet never really going after it, what happens?
Mediocrity.
Not living up to our fullest and greatest potential.
I’ve felt what it’s like to “just get by” and maybe you have too. When you choose to live your days unfulfilled because “this is just the life I’ve been given”, nothing changes. When you blame your parents because you didn’t have a great childhood or blame yourself because you aren’t good enough, nothing changes. When we say that we don’t have enough money to start the business or take the trip, you guessed it: nothing changes.
All of the excuses, the stories and the thoughts are what keep us in our safety zone. There will always be someone who is better off than us, someone with more money, someone who has better clothes or a better car. They are who they are and it really has nothing to do with who we are. We were given a beautiful and precious life too, so why not lean into what is on our soul and try to create a life that we love.
If you don’t? Well, most people don’t. I was there for a long time after the loss of my Mom, just waiting and thinking. Then I realized when I choose to do that, it’s like waking up every single morning with a beautiful gift that you just throw to the side and forget about. I wanted to be truly living my life, not just get by each day.
What is one step you can take today to move closer to your dream? Write it down. Or if that seems like too much, say it out loud to yourself. It’s okay to feel fearful, but remember that fear doesn’t get to dictate you. You are always safe and wherever your first step takes you is just the beginning of your journey.
I know, it’s not easy. Sometimes to even think about going after the dream, idea, job, relationship or move that you want can be anxiety provoking. Leave a life you feel comfortable and safe in, for something that may not work out? It may not seem like the right choice, but if there is something aching in your soul and something you think about each day: it’s there for a reason.
At a young age I had to learn that life doesn’t stop for anyone, it will always keep going. Despite tragedy, anxiety, trauma, losses, sadness, anger; a new day is always is on the horizon. No one is going to show up to save you, so you have to be brave enough to save yourself. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be from anything “that bad”. Maybe you just have to save yourself from mediocrity and fear of the unknown. Maybe you get to save yourself from a life that is “just fine” and carry yourself to a life beyond your wildest dreams. Isn’t that the beauty of it?! The choice is up to you to try.
Through any fear I’ve had, from anxiety after the loss of my Mom, to the fear about moving to a new place I realized that whatever I was afraid of, was exactly what I needed. I recognized each time I tried to avoid the things I feared, that they kept showing up while I stayed in the same spot.
A spot that made me feel uncomfortable
& each day was an echo in my mind:
“this isn’t you, this isn’t what you’re
meant to be doing”.
As much as I tried to avoid, they would amplify. Showing me that the dreams, wants and desires were not going anywhere until I chose to go somewhere with them, so I did. Now, I look at who I am today with so much gratitude, love and pride.
I faced fear, I walked along side it
as I took baby steps toward what I
wanted.
This is my hope for you, too. That you choose today, tomorrow or maybe next year to go toward what you want, even if the fear is right next to you. I promise, your life is worth it.
